The warmth you feel from the sunshine on a summer’s day;
That’s me…giving you a hug.
The breeze that brushes across your cheek as you play in the leaves;
That’s me…giving you a gentle kiss.
The butterflies in your stomach on your first day of school;
That’s me…saying “I have faith in you.”
The accelerated heart beat you feel when you bring home your first A;
That’s me…dancing with joy.
The moment of clarity after your first heart break;
That’s me…assuring you that everything will be ok.
The rain that falls upon your face as you realize that he’s the one;
That’s me…crying tears of pride.
The brief second that you can’t breathe as you stand in your wedding dress;
That’s me…gasping at how beautiful you are.
The tightening you feel in your palm during the labor of your first child;
That’s me…holding your hand.
Although you may not have seen me… I was there, watching over you.
Everyday of your life.
Dear Lori, My Daughter
It is so hard for me to start this letter. Maybe I should say how hard it is for me to finish it instead because I have started at least fifty times. I do want you to understand and remember that every decision I’ve made concerning you was made out of love. It was with your best interests at heart that I lovingly placed you.
I chose a family for you who were able to provide you with a warm and secure future. This was something that I could not do at the time. Remember I love you – then – now – always. I will always love you and care about you. Nothing can ever change that.
When you were conceived I was very much in love with your birthfather. I was very young and in giving myself to him, I thought we were committed to each other for life. As I said, I was young, only sixteen. Your birthfather was not ready for a wife and family at seventeen. I guess when I found out that I was pregnant, I thought that we would marry and live happily ever after. But when my folks and his sat down for “a serious discussion‟ we both had to look at the truth. We were too young. We had not completed school and really had no skills to get a decent paying job. I wanted so much for you. I didn’t want you to grow up with parents who fought over money, over freedom or even you. I realized that marriage was not right for anyone.
I have to tell you the truth. Even though I knew marriage wouldn’t work, I still planned on keeping you even though I pretended to be interested in adoption. The more I looked at adoption, though, the more it seemed like the right thing. I would be able to choose and meet your new parents – in fact – I would be able to have some contact. But no – how could I give you – my own flesh and blood away. I just couldn’t. One of my assignments in exploring my options was to imagine I was parenting on my own with no financial support from my parents (this would have been the case because Dad can barely support Mom and my three brothers let alone a new baby as well.)
I thought about what life would be like for us. What type of place would we live in? Would it be in a poorer area? If I went to school all day who would really be parenting you – some day care worker? If I worked evenings to support us when would I ever be with you? What type of life would we have? It wasn’t so much the money as the lifestyle. I want you, my darling, to have all the advantages that life has to offer. Although I am too young and immature, I am old enough and mature enough to know that you deserve two parents that dearly want you at this time in their life. I do want you, my baby, but I realize that at this time in my life I am not what you need.
Always remember how lucky you are. You have two parents who love you as much as I do. I am glad that I know your parents and I promise I will be there to answer any questions you have. I will be there to tell you everything you need to know about your birthfamily. Remember you are never alone. There are so many people standing on your side always ready and able to help you should you need help.
Forever you will remain a part of me. When we left the hospital the nurse cut off your ankle band. I have it with my other treasures of you. I honestly hope that nothing but good times fill your days and nights. Good-luck in whatever you do. I know that with what you’ve inherited from your birthparents and what you will learn from your parents, that you will have a great life.
Always with all my love, Your birthmother Susan
From a Birthmother
The Language of Friendship is not Words but Meaning. Just knowing your thoughts were with me, just knowing you were there if I called and you cared about how I am doing, made me feel special and helped me through many a difficult time. Thank you for everything you have done and the time you took with all of us.
Note from a Birthmother
I would have made a very different choice if you weren’t there to help me find the perfect parents for my perfect little girl.
Note from a Birthfather
I have thought a lot about what to say to you, the new parents of my son. My son is very special to me and it is the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life. I am really thankful that we could find two people perfect enough to raise him. We couldn’t ask for anything more. It makes me happy to know that he is going to grow up just the way I would want him to. I know we could have done that, but not at this time. I am terribly thankful for you. I am terribly grateful for him and for us. I sang a song to him and I say it again for you now before we place him in your arms. “Our lives, are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, But I’d have had to miss the dance.” Garth Brooks, “The Dance” — Seventeen and thankful I had a choice
To My Birthson
How do you ever start a letter like this? Hello, hi, dear, to? I chose to start mine with, how amazing are your moms? I can still remember the day I met your moms, simple pure honest and genuine love, that’s what they brought into the room. I was the one who was honored to be the one to hold the gift of forever for them and you in my belly and heart.
I viewed adoption much differently then most. I believe everything happens for a reason. I always have, still do and always will. I’m sure you will read this and want to ask just as many questions as a birthmother would want to ask her child. In our situation, I know you; I see your smiles, your growth, your milestones, and your moms’ love for you. I have been part of it all, even if you didn’t see me or were too young to know.
From the very start of my journey with you, I knew adoption was the option for you, you were a gift of life and love for two people who had been waiting for so long. I took my time and went over every possibility with not only you in mind but myself in mind as well. I found the perfect parents for you in your mothers. The perfect combination of wit and sass, honesty and trust, devoted and loyal, humor and laughter. I knew from the moment I met your moms you were their son and were always meant to be with them, and I to be part of your journey.
With a plan in place, a solid foundation of trust, openness and honesty was founded. The freedom to talk about my feelings and worries and your moms to be able to share theirs. We became a family, a unique one, one that we were and are still so proud of.
The trust and strength we had leading up to your birth is a testament to our pact we made and the strength of your family. I promised to carry their son, to open my heart and my family to them from the time of pregnancy till forever and the ever after that. I love them like Sisters, and they have loved me back the same way.
Your future moms made the same promises to me, to always teach you about where and who you came from, to always include me and my family in you and your family’s milestones. Those promises have never been broken but grown stronger with time. They gave me a gift by allowing me to watch them hold you for the first time. That to me is a miracle, a blessing in life I was granted. I witnessed the beginning of your lifetime in the hands of your mothers.
I have never doubted the amazing person I had growing inside me, you are more than a “gift”, you were “greatness” waiting to take the world by storm. Adoption was the “gift” to me. I hope you always feel the light, the hope and the sense of power you have from being born into a situation of overflowing love and stability from all of us. That you take every opportunity that comes your way.
I placed you my child with your moms who became my sisters. Our families continually see each other and grow. You never lost me, you never will lose me, and I will never lose you thanks to your mothers.
I wrote you a story, its called the story of you. With that book you have all my love and all the knowledge of where you came from. I have letters tucked away for you for all your special moments in life. That story is yours, and your mothers care for it and protect and watch over it with such love.
How to finish a letter from your birthmother: “in the end”, “we will meet again soon”, “know I always loved you”…… The answer is there is no end only a continue. I will continue to love you and your moms just as much and more then when we all began this journey, so I say ~ till next time.