Dear Lori, My Daughter
It is so hard for me to start this letter. Maybe I should say how hard it is for me to finish it instead because I have started at least fifty times. I do want you to understand and remember that every decision I’ve made concerning you was made out of love. It was with your best interests at heart that I lovingly placed you.
I chose a family for you who were able to provide you with a warm and secure future. This was something that I could not do at the time. Remember I love you – then – now – always. I will always love you and care about you. Nothing can ever change that.
When you were conceived I was very much in love with your birthfather. I was very young and in giving myself to him, I thought we were committed to each other for life. As I said, I was young, only sixteen. Your birthfather was not ready for a wife and family at seventeen. I guess when I found out that I was pregnant, I thought that we would marry and live happily ever after. But when my folks and his sat down for “a serious discussion‟ we both had to look at the truth. We were too young. We had not completed school and really had no skills to get a decent paying job. I wanted so much for you. I didn’t want you to grow up with parents who fought over money, over freedom or even you. I realized that marriage was not right for anyone.
I have to tell you the truth. Even though I knew marriage wouldn’t work, I still planned on keeping you even though I pretended to be interested in adoption. The more I looked at adoption, though, the more it seemed like the right thing. I would be able to choose and meet your new parents – in fact – I would be able to have some contact. But no – how could I give you – my own flesh and blood away. I just couldn’t. One of my assignments in exploring my options was to imagine I was parenting on my own with no financial support from my parents (this would have been the case because Dad can barely support Mom and my three brothers let alone a new baby as well.)
I thought about what life would be like for us. What type of place would we live in? Would it be in a poorer area? If I went to school all day who would really be parenting you – some day care worker? If I worked evenings to support us when would I ever be with you? What type of life would we have? It wasn’t so much the money as the lifestyle. I want you, my darling, to have all the advantages that life has to offer. Although I am too young and immature, I am old enough and mature enough to know that you deserve two parents that dearly want you at this time in their life. I do want you, my baby, but I realize that at this time in my life I am not what you need.
Always remember how lucky you are. You have two parents who love you as much as I do. I am glad that I know your parents and I promise I will be there to answer any questions you have. I will be there to tell you everything you need to know about your birthfamily. Remember you are never alone. There are so many people standing on your side always ready and able to help you should you need help.
Forever you will remain a part of me. When we left the hospital the nurse cut off your ankle band. I have it with my other treasures of you. I honestly hope that nothing but good times fill your days and nights. Good-luck in whatever you do. I know that with what you’ve inherited from your birthparents and what you will learn from your parents, that you will have a great life.
Always with all my love, Your birthmother Susan